December 2019
Oh 2019, you were a wild ride.
You know how some years, it feels like the world is your oyster, and other years you’re holding on for dear life? 2019 was the latter for me. Murphy’s Law was a regular visitor around here: if something could go wrong or break or cost money to replace, it did. I carried the weight of emotional hardship, both my own and that of some of my children. It was a year of one thing after another after another.
In reality, these crosses were minor. Our children were healthy, we had a steady income, food in our bellies and a roof over our head. It just felt like many little splinters, one after another after another, just painful enough to be distracting. It’s kind of like natural labor – the pain isn’t too bad, but the constant barrage of contractions, with little rest between, exhausts and frustrates until you’re crying and whimpering, “I just can’t do this anymore!”
Looking back over the year, I have to laugh at how providential my one little word, Notice, was. Truth be told, there was a solid six month window where I totally forgot about it. But after a summer of hardship and bitterness, a little voice quietly nudged me to revisit the idea. Have you looked around at all you have? When was the last time you really watched your children’s joy? Have you dug deep into your own talents and stretched those creative muscles? Don’t you see that you have more than enough?
A much needed reality check.
I’ve spent the last quarter of the year in a much better place, but not without effort. Some days are easy and some are still so, so hard. Three things that helped:
1. I gave up Facebook and Instagram. There is so much peace when you aren’t constantly seeing what people are doing/buying/traveling/reading, etc. Even the #debtfreecommunity hashtag had me envious at times! Stepping back from the “escape” of social media forced me to face my own life head-on.
2. I started the Frugal Accomplishment series and the 1000 Item Declutter Challenge. These two projects have pushed me to think creatively with the things I own and have challenged me to be more than just a passive consumer. I still have days where I desperately want to repaint everything or buy entirely new furniture, but it’s helping. At the least, it’s a good distraction. 🙂
3. I leaned into the hard. For too long, I spent my time fighting and rebelling against the hard. (This is not the first time and sadly, probably not the last.) Around July, I hit an ultimate low and finally whispered the prayer, “Lord, I can’t do it on my own anymore.” Life has not gotten any easier, but my ability to weather the storm has definitely increased. Grace upon grace upon grace…I just needed to acknowledge and ask for it. Again.
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Two years ago, we drove over twelve hours to spend Thanksgiving with my relatives in Maine. On the last day, my parents, my siblings, my husband and kids all piled into my grandmother’s tiny apartment for another special celebration. (It would be the last time I saw her before she passed away.) On the trip back, traffic was horrible and it was the middle of the night when we finally pulled into the driveway, exhausted and relieved to be home.
As we exited the car, I gasped at what I saw: the most brilliant, incredible, bright array of stars that I have ever seen. I remember standing and shivering there in the pitch black, my neck craned backward, as I gazed at the sky. And in that moment, I felt so thankful: thankful for my grandmother, for my own little family and all of my extended ones, for my home and my life and all of God’s creation. It was a moment where your heart feels full to bursting, where the curtain between heaven and earth is pulled back just a little bit and your soul rejoices in ways you can’t put into words.
I want to feel that more often – I need to feel that more often. I need to combat the frustration and comparison and competition of my everyday life with something that draws me closer to Him. And I think gratitude is the way to get there. So that’s my word for 2020: Gratitude. May it be a constant reminder that God is faithful and my crazy, messy life is good.
PREVIOUS ONE LITTLE WORD CHOICES
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#74. CHRISTMAS AND THE SAINTS by Hertha Pauli
My Rating: ★★★☆☆
I’ve had Christmas and the Saints on my shelf for awhile and Advent 2019 seemed like the perfect time to read it! A series of stories that all seem to connect together, I’d describe it as history with some legend mixed in. I enjoyed it!
(This was also my 1956 pick for the 20th Century Reading Challenge.)
#75. HERCULE POIROT’S CHRISTMAS by Agatha Christie
My Rating: ★★★★☆
Another great book by Agatha Christie! I’m so glad I started reading her work this year.
#76. STORY OF A SOUL by St. Therese of Lisieux
My Rating: ★★★★☆
Jesus has no need of books or teachers to instruct souls; He teaches without the noise of words. Never have I heard Him speak, but I feel that He is within me at each moment; He is guiding and inspiring me with what I must say and do. I find just when I need them certain lights which I had not seen until then, and it isn’t most frequently during my hours of prayer that these are most abundant but rather in the midst of my daily occupations. (p.179)
Saint Therese is my confirmation saint and I’ve read sections of this book throughout the years. This was the first time I’ve ever read it cover to cover! There are parts of Therese that are exactly like me and parts of her that are so different, but I really appreciate her viewpoint. Lots of think and pray about – I have much to do in my spiritual life.
#77. STORIES OF PADRE PIO by Madame Katharina Tangari
My Rating: ★★★☆☆
Human sorrow, left to itself without any assistance, can be fatal. Let us not pretend that those who suffer are supermen of endurance. It would also be a mistake if we, in our own physical and psychological, material and spiritual well being, were to say to those who happen to be suffering: “Suffering is a grace! Rejoice that you have the privilege of being able to suffer.” Oh, let us never say these or similar things to people who are suffering. As for this talk about the preciousness of suffering, only God can communicate it to the human heart without wounding it! Instead, we must, to the best of our ability, give help and assistance both materially and spiritually, to ease the pains and soften the sufferings of those who are wrapped up or indeed overwhelmed in their own miseries, so that they may find a way out, support, alleviation and, above all, so that a ray of hope may re-enter their hearts and rekindle their faith and trust in God’s providence and mercy. (p.135-136)
Stories of Padre Pio wasn’t exactly what I thought it would be. I assumed the book would be a collection of stories about Padre Pio, but it’s mostly about how his influence and prayers changed the lives of others. Still an interesting read, but now I’m on the lookout for a more biographical version.
#78. ROCK NEEDS RIVER: A MEMOIR ABOUT A VERY OPEN ADOPTION by Vanessa McGrady
My Rating: ★★☆☆☆
I recently took a look at the unread books on my Kindle and it turns out I have almost thirty! Most of these are the free ones I get to choose each month as a perk from Amazon Prime. Rock Needs River was one of those books and it was…just okay. The description sounded very interesting to me, but the execution left much to be desired.
#79. BEFORE THE FALL by Noah Hawley
My Rating: ★★★☆☆
This book has me so conflicted! Before the Fall was suspenseful and interesting enough to keep me turning the pages, but I had this nagging feeling that there was some sort of political spin that was said without being said. That probably makes absolutely no sense, hah! It had its share of language and vulgarity, but the portrayal of modern news bias (which I would add happens on both sides of the dial) and the obsession with unrelated personal details in pursuit of “the story” is something I’ll definitely be pondering in the weeks ahead.
#80. WHAT MADE MADDY RUN: THE SECRET STRUGGLES AND TRAGIC DEATH OF AN ALL-AMERICAN TEEN by Kate Fagan
My Rating: ★★★★☆
One of the trickiest parts of social media is recognizing that everyone is doing the same thing you’re doing: presenting their best self. Everyone is now a brand, and all of digital life is a fashion magazine. While it’s easy to understand intrinsically that your presence on social media is only one small sliver of your full story, it’s more difficult to apply that logic to everyone else…Comparing your everyday existence to someone else’s highlight reel is dangerous for both of you. (p.140)
What Made Maddy Run is such a heartbreaking yet important book and I’m glad I read it. Not only to remember a young girl who was so much like myself, but also to learn more about the struggles of today’s college students in the age of social media and enhanced pressure for performance. The book alternates between Maddy’s story and the author’s reflections on her own college experience, which seemed mostly to be filler. (You know how I feel about books that should have stayed an article, but were streeeeeetched into a 300 page book…) Even so, the story is powerful and the statistics were staggering. There is so much work to do in the area of mental health.
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MY (FINAL!) READING IN NUMBERS FOR 2019 Books Read: 80
Pages Read: 23,409 Fiction: 49 // Non-Fiction: 31 Kindle Books: 24 // Paper Books: 56
Original 2019 books “to-read” total on Goodreads: 424 // Current “to-read” total: 414
MY TOP FIVE BOOKS OF 2019
3. And Then There Were None 4. These Is My Words
5. Your Labrador Retriever Puppy, Month by Month
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One of the best things I ever introduced into our homeschool year is something I affectionately call Advent School. We’ve been working steadily since mid-August and adding to that sports and extra-curricular activities…we’re all just tired. I can see it in their attitudes and the quality of their work. We all need a little break.
For our family, Advent School looks like lots of reading and lots of extras. You know how you have the best of intentions, but your schedule never seems to allow for the extra baking sessions or consistent nature study or free-form art lessons? This is what I try to aim for during this time of year: learning, creativity and memory making. (We still complete our math lessons though, much to the kids’ disappointment, ha) The kids are welcome to follow the rabbit trails that the season naturally invites. It’s about as “unschooling” as I get!
In all honesty, this was the first year where I could feel a tangible transition. My oldest two boys, now a teen and tween, weren’t as interested in the picture books and crafting like in years before. They happily filled their time with drawing and novel writing and coding. They had free rein of the kitchen and baked scones and cookies and even made us dinner a few times. And this is good – really good! – but it felt weirdly bittersweet. I still continue the yearly traditions for the younger ones, but whew. Kids growing up is hard on a mama’s heart.
Here were our plans for this year:
M (7th grade) Novel: A Christmas Carol D (5th grade) Book: Truce
Read Every Night at Dinner: Advent Storybook
First Sunday of Advent: We put up the Christmas tree (just lights) and the Nativity (minus Jesus, of course) and brought out the Advent wreath with beeswax candles that the kids rolled. We also re-instituted this tradition after a few years off. (Thanks for the reminder, Rosie!)
Monday, Dec 2: We read Richard Scarry’s Best Christmas Book Ever and played the “board game” inside the book.
Tuesday, Dec 3: We read Merry Christmas, Strega Nona and then made chocolate pretzel bites.
Wednesday, Dec 4: We read Jolly Christmas Postman and the kids helped to label, stamp, and mail our Christmas cards.
Thursday, Dec 5: We read Country Angel Christmas and then baked star-shaped sugar cookies.
Friday, Dec 6: Saint Nicholas Day! We read St. Nicholas and The Bakers Dozen and then spent the day eating chocolate coins and trying out the different games from Lucky 13: Solitaire Games for Kids and The Ultimate Book of Family Card Games (books I bought secondhand for a steal!).
Second Sunday of Advent: We celebrated the Immaculate Conception with a big Sunday dinner, followed by decorating a gingerbread house. We also put a few more decorations up around the house.
Monday, Dec 9: We got caught up on a few chapters of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe and tried Turkish Delight.
Tuesday, Dec 10: We read Frosty the Snowman and Snowmen at Night and made snowball cookies.
Wednesday, Dec 11: We read Bear Stays Up for Christmas, chatted about hibernation and then went on a nature hike to find evergreen trees on our property. We even foraged a piece to keep on our dining room table!
Thursday, Dec 12: Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe! We read Our Lady of Guadalupe and watched the animated video on Formed.
Friday, Dec 13: We read The Legend of the Poinsettia and then painted watercolor versions.
Third Sunday of Advent: We celebrated Gaudete Sunday with our 3rd annual gingerbread man decorating party! A few more decorations went up around the house and the ornaments were put on the tree.
Monday, Dec 16: We read Ella Bella Ballerina and The Nutcracker and watched the ballet on Amazon.
Tuesday, Dec 17: We read The Night of Las Posadas and then drew Mary, Joseph, and baby Jesus from Art for Kids tutorials.
Wednesday, Dec 18: We read I Spy Christmas and Can You See What I See? Toyland Express and then made a scene of our own to photograph.
Thursday, Dec 19: We read Merry Christmas, Curious George and made our own ornaments to add to the tree.
Friday, Dec 20: We will read Room for a Little One and celebrate the beginning of Christmas break!
Fourth Sunday of Advent: Wrapped gifts will go under the tree!
P.S. This probably seems like a lot for an already busy time of year, but has actually just become a part of our family culture. Every family has their “thing” (my hat’s off to you, creative Elf on the Shelf mamas!) and this is ours.
“Advent is synonymous with hope, not the vain waiting for a faceless god, but concrete and certain trust in the return of him who has already visited us.” – Saint Pope John Paul II
INTENTIONS FOR ADVENT
- say the Saint Andrew Christmas novena
- attend the local Christmas parade
- lay wreaths on veterans’ graves at the cemetery
- address and mail Christmas cards
- bake three new kinds of cookies
- keep up with a December Daily album
- decide on outfits for Christmas Eve Mass
- use up the wrapping paper I already own before buying new rolls
- SLOW DOWN and enjoy this time of year
I have a few posts to publish this month, but will mostly be busy preparing my home and heart for Christmas. I’ll be back to regularly scheduled programming in the new year! Wishing you a peaceful Advent season. XOXO